In the therapy room, words can only take us so far. Often, it’s the body that tells the deeper story. When someone grows up in an environment where connection was unsafe, inconsistent, or overwhelming, their nervous system learns to adapt. These adaptations may manifest as tension in the jaw, a frozen chest, restless legs, or an inability to feel much of anything at all. We see clients who dissociate during moments of intimacy, who brace themselves even when recalling “ordinary” childhood memories, or who struggle to stay present when discussing relationships. These responses are not just habits—they're survival strategies formed in response to early relational environments. Attachment Theory: A Map for the Body John Bowlby’s work on attachment theory helps us make sense of these patterns. He showed us that the drive for connection is biologically hardwired—and that when this drive is met with fear, neglect, or inconsistency, it doesn’t disappear. Instead, it reroutes. The child adapts to whatever helps them maintain some form of connection or safety, even if it comes at the cost of shutting down emotional or bodily awareness. From this perspective, the somatic responses we see in therapy—avoidance, tension, shutdown, overactivation—aren’t just symptoms. They’re the body’s intelligent attempts to stay safe in a world that didn’t always feel safe. And they persist into adulthood, long after the original threat is gone. Why the Somatic Approach Matters Working somatically in attachment-based psychotherapy means we pay close attention not only to what clients say, but to what their bodies are doing—how they breathe, move, and react in the room. It means we help clients slowly build awareness of their bodily states, without overwhelm or shame. And it means we recognise that emotional healing often needs to be felt, not just understood. Clients with avoidant attachment may struggle to notice or name sensations; they’ve learned it’s safer not to feel. Clients with anxious attachment may be overwhelmed by somatic states and need support in finding stability and containment. Those with disorganised attachment histories might flip between activation and collapse, often without warning. An attachment-informed lens allows us to hold these responses with compassion and precision. Safety First: The Power of Co-Regulation The therapeutic relationship itself becomes the ground for this work. Co-regulation—being with the client in a way that helps calm and anchor their nervous system—is essential. Through tone of voice, pacing, breath, and attunement, we offer a relational experience that says: It’s safe to be here. You don’t have to manage this alone. This work is subtle, slow, and deeply relational. It’s not about applying a technique—it’s about a way of being with another person. A way that respects the body’s history, honours its adaptations, and gently invites it into new ways of relating. Where Story Meets Sensation When we bring somatic awareness into attachment-based psychotherapy, we create a space where story and sensation can meet—where old survival patterns can soften, and where new forms of connection can emerge. So the question isn’t whether to work somatically—it’s how to do so in a way that honours attachment, trauma, and the profound wisdom of the body. Are you integrating somatic approaches into your attachment work? We’d love to hear how. Want to learn more? Check out our Attachment Training #AttachmentTherapy #SomaticPsychotherapy #TraumaInformedCare #BodyMindConnection #NervousSystemHealing #RelationalTherapy #TherapistCommunity #MentalHealthBlog #PolyvagalTheory #TherapyTools #CounsellingSkills #HealingThroughConnection

Exploring the Role of Dreams in Attachment-Based Psychotherapy How often do you invite your clients to bring their dreams into the therapy room? In attachment-based psychotherapy, dreams are more than fleeting night-time images. They offer a profound entry point into the unconscious—revealing emotional truths, unresolved attachment wounds, and early relational dynamics that may not be easily accessed through conscious thought or dialogue. For therapists working with an attachment lens, dreams can serve as powerful tools for deepening the therapeutic process and enhancing emotional integration. Why Dreams Matter in Attachment-Based Therapy John Bowlby, the founder of attachment theory, described the attachment system as largely unconscious—formed through early experiences with caregivers and carried into adulthood. These patterns continue to shape how individuals relate to others, especially in moments of stress or emotional vulnerability. Because dreams often bypass the rational mind, they can reflect these hidden patterns more directly, bringing to light emotions and memories that might otherwise remain buried. Jungian psychology adds another dimension. Carl Jung viewed dreams as a bridge between the conscious and unconscious—a natural form of inner communication that can guide healing and self-understanding. For clients with insecure or disrupted early attachments, dreams may present images of abandonment, threat, comfort, or intimacy—symbolic expressions of deep-seated emotional themes. Therapeutic Opportunities in Dream Work Working with dreams in psychotherapy doesn’t require decoding or fixed interpretations. Instead, dreams can be treated as "living communications," as relational moments that invite exploration. Cundy writes about the unique capacity of dreams to carry disavowed attachment trauma into the therapeutic space. When held sensitively, they can support the reprocessing of painful experiences and the reformation of internal working models. By inviting clients to bring their dreams into sessions, therapists open up new possibilities for connection, meaning-making, and emotional repair. Dreams can evoke strong affect, surface forgotten narratives, or even shift how a client views themselves in relation to others. In this sense, they are not simply reflections of the past but dynamic opportunities for growth in the present. Using Dreams in Your Practice To use dreams effectively in attachment-based work: Encourage clients to share any remembered dreams, however fragmented. Explore the emotional tone and relational themes present in the dream. Hold the dream collaboratively—allowing multiple meanings to emerge. Stay attuned to how the dream reflects or interacts with the therapeutic relationship. Ultimately, dreams can deepen the therapeutic encounter and provide a creative, symbolic way to access the emotional world of your clients. How do you approach dreams in your practice? Whether you work primarily from an attachment, psychodynamic, or integrative approach, dreams can enrich the work in unexpected and meaningful ways. They are not only expressions of the self but invitations—to listen more closely, to feel more fully, and to relate more openly.

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Explore how attachment theory and Mentalisation-Based Therapy (MBT) offer a compassionate, clinically sound approach to working with clients diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This post helps counsellors and psychotherapists overcome the fear of working with BPD presentations by reframing behaviours through an attachment-informed lens. Discover practical insights on boundaries, emotional regulation, and building safety in the therapeutic relationship.

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It’s a common assumption and an understandable one. But in practice—and the therapy room—we know it runs much deeper. 🔄 Myth: Attachment theory only applies to how we relate to others. ✅ Truth: Attachment patterns are foundational to how we regulate affect, stress, and our nervous system’s response to everyday emotional challenges. Attachment isn’t just about who we feel close to. It’s about how safe we feel being close to ourselves—our own sensations, feelings, and internal states. Let’s break that down. When a child has consistent, emotionally attuned caregivers, they experience co-regulation—someone with them during distress. Over time, the child internalises this experience. Their nervous system learns: “Big feelings don’t have to be dangerous. I can manage them, and I don’t have to do it alone.” This scaffolds the development of affect regulation—the capacity to tolerate, express, and recover from emotional states. It’s not just psychological. It’s biological. Secure attachment helps modulate the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, calms cortisol output and builds up prefrontal capacities to inhibit and regulate reactivity. But when that emotional attunement is absent, inconsistent, or overwhelming? What's learnt is something else entirely: “When I’m distressed, I’m alone.” So adaptive strategies develop —fight, flight, freeze, fawn. These are affect regulation strategies born of survival, not safety. And these patterns persist. Not because people aren’t trying hard enough to cope. But because their nervous systems were never shown how. 🔍 As therapists and counsellors, this understanding changes everything. Rather than focusing solely on thought patterns or conscious coping strategies, we begin to attune to the client’s affect regulation capacity—especially under stress. We become curious about what their body has learned to do in moments of overwhelm. We look for cues of hyperarousal or shutdown, internalised aloneness or relational fear. 💬 And we offer something different. Not just insight, but co-regulation How could Attachment augment your practice?

It’s something we often hear in therapy, especially from clients who feel stuck in patterns of emotional overwhelm or shutdown. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝘆𝘁𝗵: 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝘅𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮its. And the truth? They’re not. They’re learned, adaptive patterns—often shaped through early attachment experiences—and they can be reconditioned. When a child grows up with emotionally attuned, available caregivers, they internalise a template for co-regulation. They learn how to manage big emotions because someone helped them do it first. But when that’s missing, the nervous system develops its own survival strategies—fight, flight, freeze—on high alert or shutting down completely. These become deeply embedded affect regulation patterns, carried well into adulthood. 🧠 As therapists, we know this isn’t just behavioural—it’s neurobiological. Dysregulation becomes the norm when secure attachment isn’t there to buffer stress. The powerful part? Therapy can provide a reparative relational experience. The therapeutic relationship can become a space where co-regulation is learned, internalised, and repeated. Over time, clients begin to develop new, more secure internal working models—not just in thought, but in how their bodies respond to stress. Those moments when a client breathes through a trigger, stays connected during rupture, or reflects rather than reacts? That’s Affect regulation being rewired in real time. So no—stress responses aren’t set in stone. They’re shaped in relationships. And they can be reshaped in one, too. Want to learn more about Affect Regulation and how this can augment your clinical practice?

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It’s not just personality—it often comes down to attachment. Yep, the stuff we usually associate with childhood has a big say in how our adult brains handle stress. Attachment theory tells us that our early relationships shape the way we connect with others—and how safe we feel doing so. That sense of safety (or lack of it) gets wired into our nervous system. When we’ve had consistent, responsive care, our brains learn how to regulate stress well. If not? It’s like trying to find your way with a faulty GPS. Secure attachment literally helps the brain manage stress. It tones down the alarm system (the amygdala), and boosts the prefrontal cortex—aka the part that helps us pause, think, and not just react. So whether it’s a tough meeting, feedback that stings, or life throws a curveball—your attachment style could be quietly steering the ship. Understanding Attachment doesn’t just help us be kinder to ourselves—it helps us build better client relationships. Because let’s face it, we’re all wired for connection.