Your client doesn’t arrive in therapy with a diagnosis neatly wrapped in clinical terms. They come with something far more complex—a nervous system shaped by experience. They bring a story lived through relationship: through the unmet gaze of a distracted parent, the unpredictability of care, the comfort of consistency, or the rupture of neglect. And that story often doesn’t appear first in words. It shows up in the body. As therapists, when we approach our work through the lens of attachment theory, we begin to see more clearly. We develop what you might call “attachment night vision”—a capacity to see in the relational dark. To pick up on cues that live beneath the surface: the slight freeze before answering a question, the urgency in a client’s text between sessions, the quiet dread that follows moments of connection. All of it speaks. Attachment as a Somatic Story Attachment isn’t just an idea. It’s lived and felt. It’s the tight jaw that forms when vulnerability arises. The collapse in posture when disappointment lands. The way someone pulls back emotionally when another gets too close. For some clients, early caregiving taught them to rely on hyper-independence. For others, it meant staying hyper-attuned to the emotional states of others. Still others grew up in environments where care was mixed with fear—leaving the nervous system in a state of confusion, not knowing whether to reach out or shut down. When we understand attachment, we begin to decode these responses not as pathology, but as adaptation. The Power of the Attachment Lens Working with an attachment-informed approach gives us more than theory—it gives us a clinical compass. It reminds us to ask: What did this client learn about relationships? About safety? About need and expression? When we view our clients through this lens, we gain: A deeper sensitivity to body-based signs of distress or disconnection Greater empathy for behaviours that might otherwise seem ‘resistant’ or ‘dysfunctional’ Clarity in pacing the therapeutic relationship to build trust and safety over time Insight into how our own attachment systems are activated in the room From Insight to Integration Therapy shifts when we move from behaviour to meaning. From what the client is doing to why their system is doing it. This shift allows us to respond differently—to hold space with more patience, to ask different questions, to validate not just thoughts but felt experiences. And it’s not just our clients who benefit. As therapists, developing attachment night vision can profoundly change how we work. It deepens our capacity to stay present in moments of rupture. It helps us recognise when the therapeutic relationship itself is being used to test safety. And it allows us to offer something potentially reparative: a steady, attuned presence that wasn’t always there before. Staying Curious, Staying Present Attachment theory doesn’t give us quick fixes. But it provides us with a map. And when we pair that map with somatic attunement—listening to the breath, tone, gesture, and stillness—we become more than interpreters of words. We become companions to the nervous system. We begin to understand not just the story our client tells us but the one they’ve lived in their body for years. That’s the real work. Not diagnosis, but deep listening. Not analysis, but relationship. And it begins when we look with care—even in the dark. How does attachment inform your work with clients? Are you noticing more somatic signs in the therapy room? We’d love to hear how you're integrating this understanding into your practice.  #AttachmentTherapy #SomaticPsychotherapy #RelationalHealing #TherapistTools #ClinicalPractice #TraumaInformedCare #CounsellingTheory #MentalHealthProfessionals #TherapyBlog #AttachmentLens #NervousSystemHealing

Exploring the Role of Dreams in Attachment-Based Psychotherapy How often do you invite your clients to bring their dreams into the therapy room? In attachment-based psychotherapy, dreams are more than fleeting night-time images. They offer a profound entry point into the unconscious—revealing emotional truths, unresolved attachment wounds, and early relational dynamics that may not be easily accessed through conscious thought or dialogue. For therapists working with an attachment lens, dreams can serve as powerful tools for deepening the therapeutic process and enhancing emotional integration. Why Dreams Matter in Attachment-Based Therapy John Bowlby, the founder of attachment theory, described the attachment system as largely unconscious—formed through early experiences with caregivers and carried into adulthood. These patterns continue to shape how individuals relate to others, especially in moments of stress or emotional vulnerability. Because dreams often bypass the rational mind, they can reflect these hidden patterns more directly, bringing to light emotions and memories that might otherwise remain buried. Jungian psychology adds another dimension. Carl Jung viewed dreams as a bridge between the conscious and unconscious—a natural form of inner communication that can guide healing and self-understanding. For clients with insecure or disrupted early attachments, dreams may present images of abandonment, threat, comfort, or intimacy—symbolic expressions of deep-seated emotional themes. Therapeutic Opportunities in Dream Work Working with dreams in psychotherapy doesn’t require decoding or fixed interpretations. Instead, dreams can be treated as "living communications," as relational moments that invite exploration. Cundy writes about the unique capacity of dreams to carry disavowed attachment trauma into the therapeutic space. When held sensitively, they can support the reprocessing of painful experiences and the reformation of internal working models. By inviting clients to bring their dreams into sessions, therapists open up new possibilities for connection, meaning-making, and emotional repair. Dreams can evoke strong affect, surface forgotten narratives, or even shift how a client views themselves in relation to others. In this sense, they are not simply reflections of the past but dynamic opportunities for growth in the present. Using Dreams in Your Practice To use dreams effectively in attachment-based work: Encourage clients to share any remembered dreams, however fragmented. Explore the emotional tone and relational themes present in the dream. Hold the dream collaboratively—allowing multiple meanings to emerge. Stay attuned to how the dream reflects or interacts with the therapeutic relationship. Ultimately, dreams can deepen the therapeutic encounter and provide a creative, symbolic way to access the emotional world of your clients. How do you approach dreams in your practice? Whether you work primarily from an attachment, psychodynamic, or integrative approach, dreams can enrich the work in unexpected and meaningful ways. They are not only expressions of the self but invitations—to listen more closely, to feel more fully, and to relate more openly.

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Explore how attachment theory and Mentalisation-Based Therapy (MBT) offer a compassionate, clinically sound approach to working with clients diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This post helps counsellors and psychotherapists overcome the fear of working with BPD presentations by reframing behaviours through an attachment-informed lens. Discover practical insights on boundaries, emotional regulation, and building safety in the therapeutic relationship.

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It’s a common assumption and an understandable one. But in practice—and the therapy room—we know it runs much deeper. 🔄 Myth: Attachment theory only applies to how we relate to others. ✅ Truth: Attachment patterns are foundational to how we regulate affect, stress, and our nervous system’s response to everyday emotional challenges. Attachment isn’t just about who we feel close to. It’s about how safe we feel being close to ourselves—our own sensations, feelings, and internal states. Let’s break that down. When a child has consistent, emotionally attuned caregivers, they experience co-regulation—someone with them during distress. Over time, the child internalises this experience. Their nervous system learns: “Big feelings don’t have to be dangerous. I can manage them, and I don’t have to do it alone.” This scaffolds the development of affect regulation—the capacity to tolerate, express, and recover from emotional states. It’s not just psychological. It’s biological. Secure attachment helps modulate the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, calms cortisol output and builds up prefrontal capacities to inhibit and regulate reactivity. But when that emotional attunement is absent, inconsistent, or overwhelming? What's learnt is something else entirely: “When I’m distressed, I’m alone.” So adaptive strategies develop —fight, flight, freeze, fawn. These are affect regulation strategies born of survival, not safety. And these patterns persist. Not because people aren’t trying hard enough to cope. But because their nervous systems were never shown how. 🔍 As therapists and counsellors, this understanding changes everything. Rather than focusing solely on thought patterns or conscious coping strategies, we begin to attune to the client’s affect regulation capacity—especially under stress. We become curious about what their body has learned to do in moments of overwhelm. We look for cues of hyperarousal or shutdown, internalised aloneness or relational fear. 💬 And we offer something different. Not just insight, but co-regulation How could Attachment augment your practice?

It’s something we often hear in therapy, especially from clients who feel stuck in patterns of emotional overwhelm or shutdown. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝘆𝘁𝗵: 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝘅𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮its. And the truth? They’re not. They’re learned, adaptive patterns—often shaped through early attachment experiences—and they can be reconditioned. When a child grows up with emotionally attuned, available caregivers, they internalise a template for co-regulation. They learn how to manage big emotions because someone helped them do it first. But when that’s missing, the nervous system develops its own survival strategies—fight, flight, freeze—on high alert or shutting down completely. These become deeply embedded affect regulation patterns, carried well into adulthood. 🧠 As therapists, we know this isn’t just behavioural—it’s neurobiological. Dysregulation becomes the norm when secure attachment isn’t there to buffer stress. The powerful part? Therapy can provide a reparative relational experience. The therapeutic relationship can become a space where co-regulation is learned, internalised, and repeated. Over time, clients begin to develop new, more secure internal working models—not just in thought, but in how their bodies respond to stress. Those moments when a client breathes through a trigger, stays connected during rupture, or reflects rather than reacts? That’s Affect regulation being rewired in real time. So no—stress responses aren’t set in stone. They’re shaped in relationships. And they can be reshaped in one, too. Want to learn more about Affect Regulation and how this can augment your clinical practice?

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It’s not just personality—it often comes down to attachment. Yep, the stuff we usually associate with childhood has a big say in how our adult brains handle stress. Attachment theory tells us that our early relationships shape the way we connect with others—and how safe we feel doing so. That sense of safety (or lack of it) gets wired into our nervous system. When we’ve had consistent, responsive care, our brains learn how to regulate stress well. If not? It’s like trying to find your way with a faulty GPS. Secure attachment literally helps the brain manage stress. It tones down the alarm system (the amygdala), and boosts the prefrontal cortex—aka the part that helps us pause, think, and not just react. So whether it’s a tough meeting, feedback that stings, or life throws a curveball—your attachment style could be quietly steering the ship. Understanding Attachment doesn’t just help us be kinder to ourselves—it helps us build better client relationships. Because let’s face it, we’re all wired for connection.